Tuesday, May 23, 2017

A Heart of Steel Chapter 1

Steel, my heart is made of steel. "Lucy are you awake?" asked my teacher during math, "Yes," I said sitting up. We were going over the new formula but I wasn't listening, because I had read how to do it on the worksheet. When class was over I walked to my art class. "Ok kids, for the next art project I want you to paint what you think your heart looks like it will be featured in the art show so do a good job," said my art teacher. I painted first the outline of a heart then I painted the background white. I got a shiny gray and started painting the heart the gray. "I'm done," I said after twenty minutes. "How are you done? For every other student, it takes at least a week to paint, it is not possible for you to only take twenty minutes," "I'm done, can I draw?" I asked. "Let me see," said the teacher taking the paper. "It's gray? Your heart is meant to be filled with color not gray," she said. "My heart is gray, is that a problem?" I asked. "No dear it's just I have never seen a heart painted a dark color," said my art teacher. "According to studies you learn something new every day, today you learned a heart can be gray," I said and went back to my seat. For the rest of class, I drew a little but mostly thought about why my heart was gray, or to be more specific steel and why I couldn't tell anyone, at least not in real life. After school, I went on I Chat a site where I could take to people online without them knowing who I was irl. I really like talking to people it's nice to tell feel like I'm normal. I never feel normal no matter what.

Friend: Why is your heart made of steel?
Me: Because every time I get emotionally hurt I wrap my heart in a layer of steel so if it happens again it won't hurt as much
Friend: Wow that's really sad, what could have been so bad that you need to cover our hear in steel?
Me: Too much way to much...
Friend: U should tell your parent maybe they can help
Me: They don't understand, they don't understand me...
Friend: They might, you won't know until u tell them
Me: If I did they would freak out, they don't get it no one does
Friend: Someone does, you just haven't found them yet
Me: Maybe...
Me: I gtg now, later

I stared at the chat. I didn't believe there was anyone like me.
At the art show, my heart got elected for the most "interesting" piece. I knew it meant that it was strange or weird. No one talked about my painting. It was nothing just a bit of paper. I went on I Chat again, it had become my sanctuary. Someone privet messaged me (Pm)

Person: Hi
Me: What?
Person: Nothing, I just wanted to talk to u
Me: Wow that's a shocker, usually people don't talk to me
Person: Is that sarcasm? Or r u serious?
Me: Both I guess I don't know anymore
Person: So how are you?
Me: I'm fine, u?
Person: lol
Me: ???
Person: Ur not fine, no one is fine, so how are you? I know you are lying because I do the same thing
Me: ...
Person: How are you?
Me: Idk
Person: Same
Me: ...
Person: What?
Me: Nothing it's just that... idk when I tell other people they say 'that's good'
Person: Ikr, it's not good it's bad

"Lucy time to get off your phone," said my dad "Ok," I said

Me: I gtg, sorry

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